By Melanie Flynn
“Does this make me look fat? I’m not eating for a week before Spring Break because I have to fit into my bikini. We’re out of tooth bleach and I need it! My ankles are too big. My nose is too wide. I can’t go out with this huge zit, I’m ugly!” How many times have parents of teenagers heard these promulgations? Adolescence, the years between the onset of puberty and adulthood is that amazing, awful, wonderful, tumultuous time of physical and emotional development when we begin to discover the gifts, talents and challenges that shape and guide us toward becoming who we are meant to be. We’d like to think that family, teachers and peers provide a foundation of love and acceptance culminating in unshakable self-esteem. But the barrage of influences on this journey includes the ubiquitous messages emanating from billboards, magazines, television, cell phones and computers. Young adults with lean, toned bodies, straight, white teeth, clear skin, long, shiny hair and perfectly symmetrical features promote “perfect” as “normal.” Many of the models in these images are young teens, portraying adults. Photographs are airbrushed and digitally enhanced creating a fantasy of physical beauty that for most is unattainable.
America the Beautiful is a powerful documentary that examines how media messages contribute to America’s obsession with beauty and physical perfection. The film examines the negative effects of these images on young women including low self-esteem, eating disorders and a haunting theme: “You’re not good enough for anyone to love you unless you look like a supermodel or rock star.” As parents, we shudder at the notion that our children could be influenced in any way by this fantasy. How do we protect, guide and direct kids away from this insidious bombardment? Maybe the answer lies, in part, with parental behaviors, attitudes and self-acceptance.
My favorite image in this film is Eve Ensler’s account of lamenting her body flaws to a happy, secure woman in Africa. Telling Eve to “love her tree,” the woman reveled in the joy of her own fit, strong, imperfect physique that allowed her the freedom to live her life as she wished. Most of us find beauty in nature; we don’t look at an Elm tree and then at an Oak and think that one is more beautiful than the other. Instead, we appreciate the trees for what they are: architecturally interesting because they are attractive and not the same.
One of the cornerstones of Links’ Community Education curriculum is teaching adolescents the importance of healthy eating, sleeping and exercise habits as well as accepting their changing bodies. We teach kids that their body type is genetically determined, unique and beautiful because it is theirs. Personal choices affect health and are vitally important to physical and emotional well-being. Accepting themselves and one another for their talents, gifts and uniqueness will hopefully direct attention away from the unattainable and bromidic. We cannot become who we are meant to be until we are comfortable enough with ourselves to reach out to others and into the world.
If mothers and fathers model healthy attitudes and celebrate rather than lament the aging process, then maybe wrinkles will be appreciated as lines of wisdom instead of craters awaiting Botox injections. If we strive to keep ourselves healthy and accept rather than “fix” our aging bodies, we model self-confidence instead of fear. If we praise our kids for their efforts and accomplishments instead of their beauty, we teach them the importance of hard work, a necessary life skill. If we show one another and our children that we value curiosity, empathy, honesty, generosity, determination and resilience then maybe these paltry media images will dim and fade into well-deserved obscurity.
Please join Links, Haven Youth and Family Services, JCARES, Response, and Niles North High School for a viewing and discussion of America The Beautiful on Tuesday, 9/28 at 6:30pm at Niles North High School, 9800 N. Lawler, Skokie. Discussion after the film will be facilitated by the film’s director, writer and narrator, Darryl Roberts, and Matthew Selekman, MSW, LCSW, nationally known expert on adolescent self-harm. For more information, email Melanie Flynn: outreach@linksyouth.org.
