Domestic violence advocates said the restraining order not being delivered to the man who fatally shot a 21-year-old woman last week at a Mariano’s grocery store in Evergreen Park was “a tragic failure” but said it shouldn’t discourage others from filing for such orders.
“She did all the right things, and our judicial system failed her,” said Pam Kostecki, the executive director of Crisis Center for South Suburbia. “This is just a tragic failure of the system. It is designed to do the right things, but this is a failure.”
Those with the center, which is a nonprofit community organization that provides emergency shelter and other series for individuals and families victimized by domestic violence, have seen how orders of protection can help a victim of domestic violence.
“Don’t let it discourage you from getting the help you need because the majority of the time the system works the way that it’s supposed to,” Kostecki said.
Carol Gall, executive director of Sarah’s Inn, a group started by women in River Forest and Oak Park to support victims of domestic violence and their families, agreed. Orders of protection allow victims to connect with a domestic violence advocate and other programs and supports they may need, Gall said.
“The system is not a perfect system, unfortunately,” Gall said. “It points to the criticalness of programming and services for victims of domestic violence and their families.”
Armoni Henry, of Chicago, was charged with first-degree murder in connection with Thursday’s shooting death of Jailene Flores, 21, also of Chicago. He was ordered held without bail Friday.
In a restraining order, which was granted April 19, Flores stated she and Henry had “a dating relationship” and referenced threats Henry made against her and her family. After two attempts to serve the order of protection were unsuccessful, possibly because of a wrong address, the petition was dropped May 31 when Flores didn’t attend a court hearing.
An abuser will engage in an array of behaviors, Kostecki said, like telling a victim she or he doesn’t do anything right, showing extreme jealousy, preventing or discouraging their partner from spending time with others, pressuring their partner to have sex or use drugs or alcohol or intimidating their partner.
A domestic violence victim will exhibit a sense of hopelessness, numbness, low self-esteem, lack of sense of self and depression, Kostecki said. They may deny the seriousness of abuse, live in fear and have physical injuries and illness, she said.
People respond to abuse differently, Kostecki said, and it depends on the frequency of abuse, degree of severity and the person’s response to stress and coping with stressful situations.
In children who have experienced domestic violence, Kostecki said, they will exhibit sleep difficulties, increased separation anxiety and increased aggression, and repetitively talk or play about the events.
When a victim of domestic violence tries to leave an abuser, that’s when the risk for violence, and even death, are highest, Gall said.
“This woman did the things she was supposed to do,” Gall said.
What’s important, Kostecki said, is for a victim of domestic violence to talk with someone they trust and develop a safety plan, broken down by day and month, that considers things like packing and finding a safe time to leave.
“Every individual victim knows the answers to those questions better than any of the rest of us,” Kostecki said. “You need a safe space and a safe person to talk to even discuss and dive into that stuff.”
When helping someone going through domestic violence, Kostecki said it is important to listen and be supportive.
“Really the best thing that anyone can do, if they’re a friend or a co-worker, with someone who is in a domestic violence situation is believe them, support them, truly meet them where they’re at in the process and don’t force your own thoughts and opinions onto the victim,” Kostecki said.
